It’s literally difficult to recall the specifics of that
fateful day 20 years ago when I heard those dreaded words, “You have cancer.”
So much has changed since then: I’ve had careers in the USAF, the cancer space,
professional cycling, and now the amazing Parkinson’s community. I’ve been in
the worst and best physical shapes of my life, had multiple post-cancer
surgeries, lost more friends to this disease, welcomed grandchildren, and have
had several relationships end with blame on both sides. But through it all I’ve
remained mainly positive; no, truly positive. Why is that?
While it’s certainly cliché to say it, I think for the most
part being happy really is a choice, clinical and situational depression aside
(and I’ve been situationally there, too). And regrettably it’s far too easy to
see the negative side of things, especially as the news media focuses on its
“If it bleeds it leads” mentality.
The movie “Happy” is one of the most reaffirming documentaries about not just having this positive attitude, but also how to as well.
Here are the main points and some ways it’s applied to me in the last 20 years:
We need to play /
exercise regularly
We are a social, active species. Our bodies and minds crave
interaction and activity. These are not desires, they’re needs, and so carving
out time in our busy lives for play and exercise must be a priority; after all it’s
the “life” part of the “work / life balance” credo that we all say is so
important. I can look back over the last two decades and clearly see when
things were not so good, neither was my physical fitness and/or my social life
with family and friends. It’s just math and also striking: if we dedicate one
hour a day to play or exercise that’s 4% of your day. Make it happen.
We need to seek out
new experiences
The #1 advice I give to young people is just one word:
travel. And I would offer that for older people it’s really important too. I’ve
been blessed to have seen a lot of this world and travel has changed my life.
It reshaped my political, spiritual, and social views dramatically. It made me
question not just what I believed, but more importantly why. But new
experiences don’t have to be in some far away destination. It could be doing a
random act of kindness for a stranger, or getting off the couch and doing a
1-day road trip, or finally chasing that dream you’ve kept shuttered away all
these years. I think play, exercise, and seeking new experiences are so
interrelated that you basically can’t help but feed these passions.
We need family and
friends
Well here’s your Duh of the Day, but remember we’re talking
about being happy here, and relationships can be hard and testing at times. So
what is the key? I’d offer love. We need to do more of it because it’s one of
the only things we have that the more we give it away, the more we receive. I
had a great mentor who offered me the simple advice, “Remember, Chris, in order
to have friends you must first be a friend.” So love your family and friends,
forgive when you need to, and keep moving forward with those who are good for
you.
We need to do
meaningful things
I recently went to my son’s USAF Basic Training graduation.
For 10 weeks he had drill sergeants not just teaching him initial military
concepts, but strongly emphasizing the ideals of duty, honor, country and being
a part of something larger than yourself for the greater good. We can all live
a life of service to each other in some capacity. We all have causes and
concerns that are very important to us. And like the topics above, it takes
some effort, too. So I would challenge you to literally make a list of the top
things you care about, and then some actions you will do to help out. You won’t
regret it, especially after you take those actions.
We need to appreciate
what we have
While I certainly agree with all of the above, this is by
far the #1 key for me to being happy. In this time of mega consumption, the
pursuit of more is far too often the focus. We’ve even designated the day after
we pause to give thanks as Black Friday so we can consume even more. How sad is
that?! We’ve all had times of prosperity and need; for me that pendulum has
swung several times in each direction.
So what’s the best approach?
I’d suggest adopting the proverbial attitude of gratitude.
We can actively look for things to be thankful for, and note them. That could
be an internal or external action, but much like giving away love, I would offer
that sincerely thanking someone has benefits on both sides. Internally we can
focus on what we have – and be grateful! – and not on what we want or desire.
Years of working in the cancer community has taught me many
things. It has also brought me very close to many people, some of whom are no
longer with us. When I think about people like Robin, Jim, Brienne, Ruben, and Brian
(and so many others we’ve lost) it’s actually hard to be grateful for the 20
years I’ve been afforded, but I am. Because it’s not the quantity of time that
we have on this planet, it’s the quality that matters.
Thanks for reading this, thanks for 20 amazing years, cheers
to seeing what the next 20+ years will entail, and thanks for all you do! –
Chris…
* PS – you can watch the www.TheHappyMovie.com
trailer here…
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